DMLE Children's Welfare Office: Interview with Vernon Dursley
by ksmathers
Summary: Suppose that Vernon were taken in for questioning on charges of child abuse. What might he have to say for himself?


DMLE/CWO FILE# AZA1517234  
DETAINEE: ARCHIBALD VERNON DURSLEY (MUGGLE)  
ADDRESS: 4 PRIVET DRIVE, LITTLE WHINGING, SURREY

INTERVIEWING OFFICER: ATROPA BELLADONNA/CE2  
SUBJECT: INVESTIGATION OF ALLEGATIONS OF CHILD ABUSE

"I don't know why you've made me drive all the way into London for this, but I'll have you know that I am well respected and well known. And I don't take kindly to this office's bullying. I plainly informed the investigator who accosted me at my office that I would be in touch with you as soon as it was convenient. I do not appreciate being taken off the street like a common criminal, it is frankly outrageous. Don't you realize that I am a Deacon?"

Atropa paused for a moment. Interviewing the muggle would have been so much easier with a quick quotes quill, but this division of magical law-enforcment of child welfare often dealt with muggles and so using a computer to complete the interview in this dingy distinctly un-magical office sidestepped the need to call in an officer from Obliviation. Atropa again wished that she were herself able to master the art of memory charms, but then again, if she had that kind of talent she wouldn't have been stuck at this desk in the first place.

With a heavy sigh, Atropa defended her department. "Mister Dursley, it has been three weeks since we notified you would be required to answer some questions. If you cannot be bothered to come in of your own volition, then you can hardly complain that we had you picked up?"

Vernon sputtered. "Don't give me that rot. You came to my home! You took me away in front of my family, my neighbors. How shall I explain that to them? What must my wife be thinking? What must everyone be thinking? It is an outrage!"

"The allegations against you are serious, sir. If you will not answer my questions then this will not end here; I will forward you to my superiors and they are already overworked as it is. You might have to spend a night, or even two in detention before they will be able to interview you. So what will it be? Will you cooperate or do you wish to spend the night in a cell?"

"This is a complete farce," Vernon reddened. "When I contact the..."

"The cell then..."

"...no, no. I will answer your questions, but I register the strongest possible protest. This is injustice madam."

Atropa stretched her back to remove some of the tension that was building up there. She hated days like this. "Very well. Mister Dursley, we have received detailed allegations that you have been abusing your child..."

"Absurd! My boy is in the peak of..."

"Harry Potter."

"What? Harry Potter is no child of mine. How can you..."

"Em, you have been locking him into a broom closet for eight hours at a time?"

"...you don't think I..."

"Sir, these are serious allegations. I must have your answers to determine how we should proceed."

Vernon calmed himself. "It is difficult to explain, but I will try to make it clear. We do not abuse Harry, but you have to understand that he is a handful, and so it does take... well it takes unusual measures.

"First you must know that Harry's parents, that is his natural parents, were killed in, ... ah ..., a deviant satanic ritual of some sort. Evil beyond my understanding at any rate. Of course the boy was only two, so we could hardly refuse to take him in when he was left an orphan, but..."

Vernon considered for a minute. "Well, you know that psychological scars from early childhood sometimes rear up later in life. At least I think that is how psychologists describe it. You have to understand that we have tried to give Harry everything that we gave to our own child, but everything we try to do for him gets thrown back in our faces.

"For example," Vernon searched his memory. "On his second birthday my wife Petunia baked Harry a nice chocolate cake with two little birthday candles on it, and we set the cake out just after dinner for the family to enjoy because being new to the neighborhood we hadn't yet had time to find playmates for Harry to bond with. Then my boy Dudley got up and gave Harry a big hug, when a minute later Harry had run off somewhere and set half the house on fire with those two candles."

"I know it sounds absurd, but it is the kind of boy that he is. One moment we were sitting at the table, and in the next. Well there were flames dancing along all of the walls; I don't even know how the boy did it. I was petrified, Petunia was screaming, and Harry was sitting there with a maniacal grin on his face pretending that he hadn't just run around the room setting it on fire."

"We called emergency services of course, and by pure luck there wasn't any damage, but I still can see the flames dancing around the walls looking for some place to settle in and burn the house down. Anyway, of course we told Harry that he had been very very naughty, and sent him to his room without his pudding."

"The thing is that is just one example out of hundreds. At times I felt almost as if our house were a war zone. You always have to be on your toes around Harry, there is no rhyme or reason the the stunts he will pull. One day I opened my sock drawer to find that Harry had somehow managed to cut holes in every pair I owned. Another day I went out my front door and bent over to pick up the morning post only to find that Harry had pulled out the seams on my clothes and I was standing starkers in the front yard."

"And the thing is no matter what we did Harry continued these childish pranks. First I cut off his TV time to no avail. I would send him to his room only to find another prattfall awaiting me when I opened the chiller."

Vernon looked embarrassed. "Why, there was this one time I recall that the boy removed all of the food from the Frigidaire and filled it with Yoghurt. I don't even know how he managed it. Of course we cut off his kitchen privileges after that little stunt. I had the smell of yoghurt in the kitchen for a week afterward... and I detest yoghurt."

Atropa watched Vernon. The heavy wet warm London summer afternoon had the man sweating and agitated in his retelling. After a moment she got to her feet and poured two glasses of water offering one to the large man, then reseating herself with the other.

"Locking him in the broom closet?" she persisted.

Vernon struggled for a moment, then looked down. "It wasn't my best day, I admit. It had been a long day at work and I sent Harry to his room for acting out when I required him to again wash the dishes as part of an ongoing punishment for something that had happened earlier in the week. Shouting at Petunia, I think it was."

"Anyway, I told him he'd have to go to his room and think about his manners if he wanted to be admitted to polite company, and then a few minutes later... well I heard a sort of popping sound and I really don't know how he did it."

"When I got to Harry's room it was filled with popcorn to the boy's waist, with the boy grinning like a fool as he spun in the midst of it. It was an absolute mess and the popcorn was still falling from where ever he had hidden the popper, and he must have used every bit of popcorn in the house."

"Well I was furious of course. I told him that if he couldn't respect his room he'd have to live in the cupboard, and I pulled him downstairs by his ear, then emptied the broom closet and shut him in."

"It took me and Petunia hours to clear Harry's room and by the time we were done we fell asleep exhausted, and, unfortunately, I forgot to fetch Harry out of the closet before I dozed off. It wasn't intentional, you know, just an accident brought on by the boy's own deeds."

"Ah, so. I don't know what you've been told, or who told you what. The broom closet is not Harry's room, his room is upstairs as any child's would be, but..."

"Well, I guess over time I started to use the broom closet more often. You know you can't make nearly as much mess in a two foot by six foot space as you can in a whole room, so if there was something to send Harry to his room for, I'd send him to the closet instead."

"But the intent wasn't to make it his room, we were just reducing his privileges in response to his actions. Exactly what all of the parenting books told us we should be doing, and when Harry continued to misbehave there was little we could do but continue. Telling him to go to his room instead of the broom closet would have been rewarding him for his bad behavior, you know."

"So you see, he does sleep in the broom closet, but that isn't really his room. His room is upstairs as I said, and as soon as the boy can learn to behave himself, he'll be able to return to it. Although I suppose we'll have to take out some of Dudley's things that we've temporarily put there just while Harry is continuing in the path of his parents..."

Atropa had stopped typing some time ago. She still had her list of questions but by now it was obvious that Vernon and Petunia simply weren't suited to be the parents of a magical child. Plainly, Vernon was on a hair trigger, the boy must be walking on eggshells, and every time his magic asserted itself whether from delight, frustration, or anger the situation became worse.

"Thank you Mister Dursley. I will have an officer return you to your home. And don't worry, I'm certain with your answers we'll have the whole situation ironed out in a week or two. I can't image that there will be any long term repercussions, sir."

Vernon huffed briefly but was feeling pleased if truth be told to have gotten some of the past off of his chest. He gathered his hat and stood. "Right, then. I will just be going then, shall I?"

OFC RECOMMENDATION: DURSLEY FAMILY NOT SUITABLE FOR WIZARDING CHILD. REMOVE HARRY POTTER FROM THEIR CUSTODY AND OBLIVIATE THE FAMILY.  
ATROPA BELLADONNA/CE2.

16-07-93 DIRECTED TO DMLE/A FOR DISPOSITION  
19-08-93 DIRECTED TO WIZGAM FOR CONSIDERATION  
19-08-93 WIZGAM DOCKET NUMBER 93-1412 PRIORITY D  
31-12-93 WIZGAM CONTINUING BUSINESS 1994  
31-12-94 WIZGAM CONTINUING BUSINESS 1995  
31-12-95 WIZGAM CONTINUING BUSINESS 1996  
31-12-96 WIZGAM CONTINUING BUSINESS 1997  
29-06-97 WIZGAM OLD BUSINESS TABLED PER LONG STANDING PRACTICE / A DUMBLEDORE


End file.
